Month: September 2013

Ambiguous


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I wake up every morning thinking to myself “..how can I make myself better today?”, then i go back to sleep…..

I kid.

But I don’t mind catching an extra bit of shut eye before I start my day.  Been one rollercoaster ride over the past 9 months to be honest and I’ve come to adopt a more expectant view of things lately, especially with the way my life has been recently.

How has your year been? Disappointing? More highs than lows? Tell me about it…

No. I’m not sure I want to hear relationship stories in as much as I know they play an integral part in our everyday lives but seriously, is that all there is to life? Relationships? Like, do you live by the line “you complete me..”? I know better than to build happiness around someone else’s invovlement in my life (well except they’re paying the bills of course) but on a more serious note I know a lot of people might disagree with me and my point of view but that’s just the way I’ve come to see life. Yes there is a higher sense of happiness and self affirmation in loving someone and being loved back but I don’t think hinging it all on that very fact is a good idea, no matter how messed up we are.

Maybe it’s because I’ve lost people or because I’ve experienced rejection or gotten on with my life or maybe it’s because I’m well aware of the fact that people are bound to disappoint you in one way or another. I guess I’m coming from a place where it all seems kind of clearer to me. I might not have the full picture at the moment but at least it’s not entirely fuzzy.

Life has been interesting to be honest and in some ways the lessons I’ve learned along the way come back to say “ah ah! I told you so!”

Just glad I’m in a relatively good place now, close to family and finally taking bold steps one day at a time while I’m working on being better everyday. I sometimes end up feeling it’s never enough bearing in mind I know so well that Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I haven’t got too much to say right now but i guess I just had to put this out there, sort of like a form of release which I am convinced is much needed (too much thoughts swirling around in my head). There still isn’t much to celebrate but the future looks inviting again and I’m rellishing it. Maybe I’ll be able to share things much more openly pretty soon. Till then let’s try and be happy with ourselves. We deserve it.

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