What would I write about me in the event of my passing? I have often shelved discussing or writing about the topic for a while now but I guess this feeling of despair causes me to be more open and honest about my own character for once. Maybe it would afford me an opportunity at a more unbiased self examination that could if possible provide insight I have summarily missed.
Firstly, the Headstone would read, if I have married and have children; Here lies dutiful husband (At times a coward, other times quite grumpy), Father (if only he could have been a lot more fun we would have stopped replacing his whiskey with vegetable oil), brother (finally going away with his quiet madness, we should be compensated for managing such), Uncle (*sigh* Broke ass nigga) and friend (huh?!? Who’s friend?)….
LOL! I know, too long for a Head stone but if it were permitted for the sole purpose of teaching people one way how not to live then I believe it would be worth it, for their own good. With regards to my disposition to having such placed at the crown of my final resting place I say this with no little amount of protestation; you snivelling dogs!!!
You see I am in no form of disillusion whatsoever that I have lived a genial and agreeable life with most of my neighbours. I know I have been difficult and somewhat abrasive, but never have I been considered ‘Bad’.
I leave behind a world that in my own little way I have tried to understand and reason with never fully grasping at the logic which my fellow men have lived with all the more confusing as they preach a different sort of thing.
Not that I will completely condemn all men I have come across, besides, this is about me, not about the rest of you still living. I am no more, let me enjoy this day that maybe my words might attain immortality or mere scorn (whatever you feel my English proficiency is).
I have tried in my own best way to live a decent family life, one absent of shouting sessions but one rather riddled with silent warfare and grudges (I believe I won all grudge matches, I even bested the children).
Hurray for me!
Business. Business? What is this?! Clearly the Wife was the family bread winner and home maker, I was simply there to keep grudges and chase away the Pastor should per chance he felt the spirit had led him to minister to me and my small brood.
If they eventually do find a minister or priest to administer final rites and the lot at my funeral, I would be most grateful if they were not paid until they met me in Heaven..or hell, I truly encourage them to meet me in the nether world for their compensation for such a beautiful and touching service. I wouldn’t want to put other members of my family in such a bother. God’s got change as well in case they’re afraid of large denominations (pun intended) where ever they meet me.
And finally, to girl friends, concubines and unclaimed pregnancies, I really am not sorry. If there’s any compensation, I was a lousy lay.